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Emptiness

If I’m honest with myself, it’s not a word I think about a lot. The Lord recently has been working non stop in my heart, and although this is blog will be short for purposes of discretion, I pray that you lean in and take it to heart. 

 

I am in Costa Rica and will be at the current missions location for the remaining time. It is very nice here. The mountains and the scenery is beautiful, and the food is even better. My heart on the other hand, is a war zone. Over the short time period at home over the holidays, God plunged me into a very difficult season, reminding me of what exactly I didn’t deal with before the original launch onto the field back in September. 

 

To say the least, I became very angry and confused. Multiple nights I fell face down in rage and lament before the Lord. “Why would you bring me back through this, God!? Where is your comfort, God!? Why would you leave me here, God?” Every single day it became more and more difficult to wake up in the morning, to eat meals, to leave my room, even daily conversations were difficult. There was heaviness in my spirit and anxiety made me sick almost to the point of disfunction some days. Bitterness, jealousy, comparison, and a mountain of un forgiveness were crushing me. 

 

The Lord spoke to me through some experiences that I had those few weeks. What I had to do was stop running from the pain, let go of the poison that was killing me, and be okay with being empty, solely for the purpose of being filled with the love that only God can give. Now, I guess you could say that I have dropped my pursuit of happiness to take up the Spirit’s gift of holiness. 

10 Comments

  1. So proud of you for putting yourself in God’s hand and trusting Him. He will always have your best interest in mind. I believe in you and love you dearly! Dad.

  2. SO PROUD OF YOU!!!…always!
    Keep pressing into the Lord and let him be everything you need…always.
    I MISS YOU SO MUCH! (cry face here) But so grateful for where God is leading, and what he is doing. Embrace all that comes with being a child of God.
    I love you forever…and always!

  3. Aw Jordan, my heart aches and rejoices at the same time as I read your blog. Our hearts can often be a war zone journey of relinquishing our grip on what we want in exchange for Him. “I have dropped my pursuit of happiness to take up the Spirit’s gift of holiness”……This….for all of us…..for the glory of His name!
    I appreciate your vulnerability and sharing your heart! We love you Bubba and are praying for you!!!
    Now about the food?!?!???

  4. Proud of you Gabe. The Lord sometimes gives confusing thoughts from what we expect, but they work for His purpose and glory. I pray you enjoy the path He has you on. The benefits of submission to His will are eternal. Enjoy.

  5. Knowing that you lean into the Lord so much when things get hard makes me that much prouder to know you. Happy to know you’re having a good time. Excited to hear about all the things the Lord does through you and for you. Te amo always <3.

  6. I was so happy to see you but my heart knew something wasn’t right within you. As a mom, I wanted to hug and comfort you. I hurt for the struggle I felt within you and I prayed peace over you. There are times when we must go through difficulties in order to understand our purpose. You will complete this journey with experiences and insights that will bring you into a spiritual relationship with our creator that you could never have imagined. You are strong, determined and talented. He has much in store for you and I look forward to the outcome! Just remember, I need to hear you sing and look forward to many more songs from you!
    Love & prayers,
    Teresa

  7. Amen! When we finally face the feelings of jealousy, comparison, bitterness, offense, unforgiveness & disappointment – God frees us and we realize that He has a special purpose in who he made us to be, not who we wanted to be. Praise God for you transparency! Mathew 6:33. You are not alone! The good news – He is going to bless you MORE than you could ever imagine when you continue to seek Him first!

  8. The Lord is going to do great things in you, He is in your heart. You have dropped your desires and placed your trust in His plans.

  9. Gabe so real!! God loves you. God hears you. He is zealous for your house and will empty it so He can fill it with His holiness. Keep pressing into Him. He has you. Praying and loving you from afar.

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